What a year !

WOW !!! 2008 just zoom past me in a flash. In less than 24hrs, It will be a whole new year and a fresh start.

Recalling major events happened this year.

1. Worked as an Intern @ Huntsman, enjoyed lots of benefits
   
2. Left Singapore to Melbourne for exchange
   
3. Sat on a plane for 10 times within a span of 5mths 10days during my stay in OZ; more than my entire life
   
4. Meet lots of friends in Melbourne, i.e. Thomas, Lay Hian, Kean Yew, Grace, and many many more....
   
5. Had my realisation and understanding about Buddhism as well as SGI movement
   
6. Understand the importance of Family and friends
   
7. Got to know ppl deeper with the help of MSN and Skype
   
8. Enjoyed slogging with my gang in NUS, tough sem but I had pulled through
   
9. Took up the role of a District Leader
   
10. “Match-made” by friends on a few occasions, which is super funny. Sometimes you just feel that my friends don’t know me well. Haha....
    
11. Fail to meet my expectation for my exam results, falling short of 2nd Upper goal.

Oh well...

Now eyeing next year le, a lot of goals too.

1. Must score at least 3 more As in NUS.
   
2. Hope to have someone who is able to support and advance together with
   
3. Do internship in May - Aug
   
4. Find a job before graduate
   
5. Accompany my mum to Osaka
   
6. Go on a graduation trip with my gang

Year 2009 Chiong ahh....

Xmas 2008

Although Xmas was happening, but there's this little thing that kept tinkling at the back of my head, that is my lousy result.

Despite all the fun, laughter and incident like Xmas eve with crazians, Xmas with family as well as rushing to Mount E hospital at 10pm; all thanks to Ethan for knocking his head. (see pic below)

Ethan was crying and I had to joke with him to ease him so that his blood flow would slow down. This was one of the few times I saw a substantial amount of blood. In teasing him, Tong told the doctor that its better to change Ethan's head (that was after knowing that ethan is alright and its just a little hole) as a knock on the head would make Ethan even more stupid (haha). At this point, Ethan cried again... haha... I couldn't do anything but to pat Ethan on his back and joined in the laughter.

Anyway, a yr is coming to an end. Its an eventful year with my exchange trip to Melbourne and my lousy result despite trying my very best. Some may think that I did not do my best, like my sister saying that I am still trying to adjust after coming back from Melbourne. My deep down, I know I have really tried my best. I did made a few mistake during exams that caused me to miss out on 2 B+. Interesting thing is that the paper that I have studied the least and even went Ethan's birthday the day before my paper, I scored an A-. Haha, just weird.

So, studying more or less doesn't mean anything. Its my first A in NUS and I don't know how should I take reference? To work hard or take it easy? ? ? 2nd Upper seems an unreachable goal liao.

But anyway, I have till 29th to appeal my result which I feel that one of my module should be at least a B+.

Haiz. . .

Judgement Day.

Received my result 2 days back, not what I hope for.

I told myself results doesn't matter anymore as long as I know that I had really worked hard this sem.

Need to work harder next sem to bring my CAP to a safer zone and hopefully able to achieve Upper.

Looking forward and Continue Striving.

(Merry Xmas to all)

YMD Outing ~ Bowling

Gerald and Zhong Liang

Yosuke and Ruting

(Left to Right)
Zhi Fa taking the ball, Terry sitting down, Ruixiang looking at the scores, PC looking at the lane,
Qing Wei covered by my hand, and finally the irritating Me.

Hmm... Should be Zhong Liang

Being punished for losing, all thanks to the lousy leader, which is me. haha...

Had a nite of fun with other members. Hope we can do it more often.

No rest during holiday :(

Was busy painting my house last week and its not done. Didn't even have much time to prepare for my Soka Buddhist entrance exams, so I hope that I dun fail.

Had a really interesting chat with Sherry n Tong about my life; more of my future; like what I want to do after graduation, continue to study or going to the work force? Which industry or job I want to do? What's my life plan? Also chat about looking for a gal friend (like I've been single for too long)? (But sis wants me to concentrate on my studies first as I only have one more year to go, but the thing is that I'm not that young le. haha...)

I shared with them that I'm fishing, looking for the right one and hope that she will respond. Tong joked that its not the right way, so I corrected quickly by saying I'll use net to fish as it has more chances. He responded that u have to use spear gun, aim and get it. I joked: "but it may kill the fish". Think I am full of rubbish these days.

Started SAP course today, pretty boring. Need to get use to the pace and taxonomy. Good thing for the course is that we tend to dismiss early, so have time for Xmas shopping. :)

Santa Claus is coming to town. Yippee !!!

Sensei-tion ! ! !

This year’s Kenshu is a lot better than last year. I felt more connection to Sensei as I watched the various videos and skit made by various institution. Even in some parts of the video that I almost teared, in my mind I’m asking myself, “Despite at 80 yrs old, Sensei is still working so hard for the happiness of others and wanted to fulfil his mentor’s dream of worldwide Kosen-rufu. What am I doing given my youth?” Sensei had made so much effort to promote peace throughout the world, all this efforts are not easy, yet he is able to carry them out. Sensei had dialogue with world leaders like Nelson Mandela, Zhou Enlai, Dr Arnold Toynbee, etc. . .

Some parts of the meeting was good, some quite bad. Let’s focus on the good ones.

All institution, I believed, did their best to portray the spirit. However, some were not ideal its understandable as not even one have realisation in their lives. Everyone needs a platform to do their own human revolution and the skit is one of them. By putting the effort to even be in front a crowd is a form of human revolution, therefore I think its always good to look at the bigger picture and focus on the main intention. As often, the intention is not reflected by the actions, one has to look beyond the action to understand the intention. How to do it? Use your heart to feel and then rationalise it.

Today, there were a lot of sharing. It is like information overload towards the end of the kenshu. However, for such sharing I always think that it is always good to go back to basics, as we cannot assume that everyone is of the same level. We need to rely on these fundamentals to build on harder concepts, also without these basics, we will not be able to understand the rest. If we just take the literal meaning, we only see part of the picture, and often it is skewed. I personally feel that most of the sharing in gakkai, failed to explain the basic, failed to address the main intention. This is an area that we have to work on.

Today, I also try my very best to contribute to this kenshu as discussed during the F5 discussion to reach out to new friends. Although the time to talk to them is little, I tried my best wanting to know them better. During the small group dialogue, I shared 2 questions that I always asked myself. “How can I contribute for the meeting?” and “What I’ve learnt for this meeting?” To me, if I am able to answer these 2 questions, only then it will be a good meeting. I urge everyone to do the same.

Mentor-disciple (M&D) spirit has a very strong meaning. For us to grasp the meaning of M&D spirit with Sensei, we need to find out “why is M&D so important in Buddhism?” and “What is our vow as practitioners of Nichiren’s Buddhism?”. To answer the 2nd qns first, “What is our vow as practitioners of Nichiren’s Buddhism?”, that is we want to lead all mankind to happiness, that is the vow of the Buddha and we are Buddhas ourselves. For the first qns, “why is M&D so important in Buddhism?”, M&D is important as it ensures the correct teaching and spirit is being pass on generations after generations, which is display by the first 3 presidents of the Soka Gakkai. Therefore with the 2 qns answered, who else is able to show a role model and be a mentor to fulfil this vow? He is non other than Daisaku Ikeda, this is why he is my mentor for life.

This kenshu has helped me to be closer to Sensei, and served as a call for me to continue to fight for the happiness of all; I have to respond to my mentor’s call to fight for the happiness of mankind.

I ARISE.

I am with you Sensei
I make this vow today
Sensei
Today, again, I arise
Turn my face to the wind
Lift my spirit to the skies
Today I will not give in
Even though we're thousands of miles apart
I will stay in step with my mentor's heart

I am with you Sensei
Wherever you lead
I'm beside you though storms may assail us
I am ready Sensei
And nothing will stand in my way
Today
I arise I arise I arise
Today I'm fighting to win
If I give up our dream
What will I have lived for then
Today I will not give in
With your words of wisdom each day I'll start
Every word emblazoned across my heart

Cough cough...

Cough has not stop.

Didn’t go Sentosa on Wed as it was raining and Ethan is so disappointed.

Had F5 discussion and planning, we are going to revitalise NUSSD. Need to foster successors and many of us are graduating soon. G and myself have just 2 sem left, SK and DR have 3 more, while JH has 4 more.

Went to NUS n TP skit rehearsal, quite messy as usual, but I can see the young ones are putting a lot of effort. I am really delighted to see young ones taking up this challenge.

Just came back from bowling, an improved effort, lost the first game but won the next 2. hehe :)

Later will be SD Kenshu, looking forward to see the advancement of student division. I have not see the entire SD after I’m back; really want to know how far have the entire SD advanced.

In addition, I was looking around to do a MBA after graduation as the economy will be bad. It is super expensive and most of them required working experience. Will continue to look around but I hope the situation will be better next year; not very likely thou.

Sob. Cough please stop. . .

On top of the world.

Once I had left the exam hall, I truly understand Gerald's meaning of "Top of the World". Its the joy that u felt.

Finally its over. . .

=)

Heading to Sentosa to celebrate Ethan's birthday. ;)

One more to go. . .

Had a really interesting chat last nite, I even had to force myself to go to bed in order to sit for today's paper.
"Great minds think alike, fools seldom differs."

Had been coughing real badly before my paper. :(

Paper today was rather straight forward, therefore a lot of people will be able to do well. I hope the grading of this module will not be based on bell curve, else my grades will suffer again.

One more to go, I'm not prepared and feeling terrible. I had a really bad headache on top of my bad cough.

"Let all persecutions assail me ..." But that wasn't said by me lor. *sad

Visit to the Doctor.

Doctor diagnosed that my coughing is due to a sensitive nose. He explained that nose is like a filter to the lungs and blocks all the dirt and dust. When there's too much dust, it overwork and will produce mucus to get rid of them and my coughing may be due to the mucus in my airway that I had to cough them out.

He gave me a nasal spray and some medicine. It really caused me a bomb, about $54. Doctor told me that it will be an on-going thing and I've to rely on the spray to prevent it from coming back.

First day is not too bad, better than the passed few weeks.

I hope my condition will continue to improve. :)

Looking for motivation, feeling tired.

Had been studying for the past few days, I've studied all my subjects for at least once. Looking at them for the 2nd time is really torturing, as everything is the same and felt so “er xin”; really gross/sick.

Sat for my 3rd paper, 2 more to go and I really can't wait for exams to be over. Really very very tired and can't seems to concentrate.

Coughing don't seems to improve and planning to visit doctor tomorrow. Its been 4 weeks and I’m still coughing. But it’s not the worst nor the longest that I’ve been coughing. Prior my NS days, I coughed for about a year, even seen specialist from SGH for about 3 mths and suddenly recovered. I don’t think its flu as the medicine given by the doctor would have cured it. Based on Dr Lim (me), I think its due to the irritation to my airway which causes the endless mucus that caused me to cough; like I had choke on several occasions. The mucus is so slimy that its like glue. (this is really "er xin")

I hope the doctor is able to give me the right medicine to put a stop to my misery.

Looking for motivation for my studies.

Sidetrack: 1 more person is trying to set me up for a date. Eligible or cannot make it?

I’m taking it very positively. Haha…

Being a KIASU kid.

This sem, I started studying very very early.

Now I've even start revising on my last paper even my first paper haven't even started. I'm pretty amazing with myself this sem. Think that is the power for being focus.

Just got back from supper and bowling. Its a really good session to take a break as life is always about balance.

11 more days to freedom (3rd Dec). Final paper, its also Ethan's birthday; Don't think will have time to bring him out to get present. Maybe can do it after his birthday where I have till 14th as I'll be attending SAP course on 15th onwards.

This holiday will be a pack one. 4 more papers and 2 more semester to go...

Time flies. . .

A bad start.

Sat for my first paper.

Didn't have time to finish. As I face difficulty during the calculation qns :(

rushed thro the qns on case study.

In conclusion, my result will be base on 65 instead of 100, as didn't do well in explaining the case study; 25 marks and 10marks on the explanation of the calculation which i didn't have time to complete.

Finally went to see doctor @ YIH after Wei Ping warn me that constant coughing may develop pneumonia. With him scaring me, I overcome my laziness to drag myself to visit the doctor before it gets worst.

1 down, 4 more to go...
More mugging needs to be done.

I hate the feeling of knowing shit is going to happen yet there's nothing I can do.

Sometimes ppl just need to learn through their own experiences. There's nothing much other ppl can do. And knowing that those close to u have to go through this suffering is a torture.

Nothing I can do...

How to empower others?

Exams is getting near and time is tight.

Got to recover from cough and flu. Lots of reading for me to catch up. Got to focus and give everything I have.

An end is a new beginning. . .

Yesterday, I have submitted my last assignment for this semester and did my final presentation. So in all for this semester, I had completed a total of 14 assignments and 7 presentations. Although the result may not be ideal for all the assignments but I can loudly and proudly proclaimed that I’ve did my best.

Initially I have the idea that I will have sometime to take a short break before I start mugging for my exams, but during a conversation with Andrew, I had a wake up call. Andrew was sharing with the gang that he has to start revision this week and every module has less than 3 days to prepare, that was on Monday. I did my maths and plan on Monday night and found myself in similar situation. Haiz…

However, I took a break yesterday. And I finally went to buy a new “clothes” for my “xiao bai” (white iPhone). Spent about 45 mins in Funan Center and $45, I feel it’s a good buy and its utterly dashing. Haha…

For the past week, I had been coughing badly and flu. Its really bad, as looking at my schedule, I could not afford any wastage of time.

Today marks a new start, the final 100 meters to the finish line. I’ve ran hard for the entire semester and it’s the final 3 weeks. I cannot let my guard down and slack.

Chiong ahh…

19th Nov - Managerial Planning and Control
26th Nov - E-Commerce: B2C Applications
27th Nov - IS Project Management
1st Dec - E-Commerce Business Models
3rd Dec - Computer Networks I

Life is not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

3 projects submission in a row...

It’s a really happening week and I am so happy that every thing turned out well in the end. I was struggling with my networking project from sun till Monday morning; struggle all the way till 8am. It was really tough as PS was doing it and I was just telling him where the error could be (debugging). There are limited things I can do as I was trying to understand his codes. And I feel damn bad again for not helping much again… Slept for a few hours before heading to school for…. Hmm…. My mind is failing again. Yah. For my E-Commerce assignment meeting, it was scheduled to be 2.30pm and I was late for it.

I had brunch while discussing the project. There are some changed required on my part and did the presentation slides. The presentation was on tues. Following, I had another project meeting which is for 4260, E-Commerce Biz Model; that was due on wed. Work till quite late for the presentation and 4260’s assignment.

Tues: Attended Lecture and headed for 4264 presentation at 12pm. Surprisingly to me it’s a good presentation. Though, the presentation was short, but we had the gist covered. There was also some qns thrown to us but think we took care of them quite well. Also my lecturer Sharon didn’t ask any qns. Following that, I skipped my Networking lecture, to work on 4260 report which was due the following day. We worked till 6am in the morning. Wow, it’s the first time this year that I stayed in school. I ended up sleeping at the basement where there’s sofa outside DR 3 in COM1. It’s a dark corner till the cleaning auntie turn on the lights at abt 8plus to do her usual cleaning. I turn off the light when she left.

Wed: A while later near 9.30, she came back and on the lights again. Sad… there goes my sleep. Went to wash up and headed to have breakie. The bee hoon I bought was really yucky… It’s like rubber bands; maybe it is due to my lack of sleep that everything tastes weird that day. Headed to my accounting tutorial, the presentation by the groups was really interesting. With a couple of yawns, I breeze through the class. Headed to do the final touch up of the report and had it printed for submission. My 4260 lecture was really a tough one, by this time, the Z monster was stronger than the one I win over in the morning. We exchanged a few blows and I was knocked out for a few time, but in the end, I survived. Part of the reason that I won was due to my hungry tummy. It served as a human alarm clock waking me up every now and then. I was really dead tired and super hungry, head straight to the canteen to have lunch? Hmm… a meal at 4plus is ??? Dunno but I enjoy putting food into my starving tummy. The group initiated to stay back to work on the presentation slides. Haiz… I’m the only one who didn’t go home, why they don’t let me off? But thinking back, I was super KS when I was year 2, focusing on the nitty gritty stuff and failed to focus on the big picture. That’s part of the reason that I didn’t do well in yr 2. So I struggle to keep myself awake to finish my slide before the group let me go. Luckily, Mummy called me early and offer to buy dinner for me. I headed home, had a nice shower and enjoyed my dinner of bee hoon and porridge totally. Had a little chat with mom and headed to bed at 9.

Today: Shockingly woke up at 8.30 in the morning. Despite to ask mummy to wake me up, wanted to attempt on my networking tutorial and check through my presentation slides. I ended up rushing for class, but the funny thingy is that I met 2 person on my way to school; Mike and Peiling, its nice to see friendly faces during the journey. Had presentation for 4260 and it turned out better than I’ve expected. Went back to COM1 to meet the gang and found out that I had to redo my WBS for 4254 (IS Project Implementation). As I was doing it, the entire team was looking at me and didn’t know what was going on. After dinner and discussion, I back at home. Think this is the happiest day, as I’ve managed to overcome all the adversity and did my best.

Life is beaming with hope. Something I have not felt till this sem started.

Busy busy week. . .

Last week was a really hectic week. The entire week just zoomed past without me knowing it. Times really flies when u are packed with loads and loads of things, especially with 3 assignments due this week and their presentation too.

I’m indeed fortunate to have PS as my grp mate. This time, he is shouldering the 2105 assignment again, leaving me to feel very guilty again. This time, I started working on it much earlier than the last assignments. I was just overwhelmed by other assignments that I don’t have time to continue till last wed. Even till now, I’ve just redo my report on online collaborative shopping for the 3rd time.

I’m still behind for another report which will be due on wed. That proj is another major worry for me as all my grp mates are busy with their assignments and has not really started writing till sat. We met up on sat, suppose to be 8am but everyone turn up only 9 plus, guess it was the rain that caused everyone to overslept. Guess I shouldn’t have struggle that hard to force myself out of bed; credits also goes to my mum who I left a notice for her to wake me up. Sat is also a day that I was back in school in less than 9 hrs.

The interesting thingy is that friends who I made during my accounting class are always in school too. I have bumped into them for 2 nites, Thursday at 10plus and Saturday at 9plus. I thought that only I didn’t have a life; guess I was wrong, it’s more of like NUS students don’t really have a life. Haha…

Today I almost didn’t make it for district leader-basic training course, as I should be doing my 2105. I spoke to my Chapter leader yesterday and he understands that my assignments should come first. However, the next training will only be in Feb or March. This will means that I will not be appointed as leader this mth. Thanks to mummy, who woke me up and urge me to attend the training. Her reason is very simple, if I don’t attend the training, I can’t be appointed and it will mean that it will screw up the plans of others. So I decided to attend but left before the training ended. This training is rather basic; actually it’s good for those who are rather new to the organisation. I’m not suggesting that I’m arrogant or very knowledgable, but this shows the importance of studying.

As I was talking to mummy over dinner abt the training course, she told me that not many ppl actually study gosho, new human revolution, or human revolution. In fact, not many ppl even read CL. Sound so true, cos I was one of them that can’t find time to read, even now it a constant struggle for me to find time to read. Reading is so impt, it is thro reading and discussion that I had gained realisation in Melbourne.

I want to continue to have that realisation in Singapore too.

A fresh start. . .

For the past 2 days, my life condition is all time low. I can't seems to concentrate on the things I'm doing.

But thanks Gerald for talking to me last nite. He did managed to wake me up...

Gerald: "i feel tat u are 自爆自气ing". "i really dun like seeing u sad lah". "cos u just keep on blaming urself". "then when u blame urself u will not be able to concentrate or move on".

This morning I re-determined to start afresh and everything seems to be more meaningful and are filled with hope. Most impt is that work are produced.

Thinking back, although outcome is not what I wanted and I may never get there. But why am I putting a time period to my own growth. I realised that its not about how long u need to get there, its abt getting there. Therefore I take a little step each day to do my own Human Revolution, I'll be able to achieve what I wanted.

"The road is long and make every little steps counts"

My world had just collapsed.

Just went to Prof M's office for consultation on my lousy mid term result.

After coming out of his office, my entire world collapsed. Pior to meeting him, Andrew told me to take it easy abt results. His point was that not much changes could be made to push to a 2nd Upper, so rather than pushing urself so hard, just relax and graduate. I understand his point totally. For me to push to 2nd Upper means that every sem must score all As. Its not an impossible thing to do, but it will be tough.

That's y I'm been pushing myself hard. Now it seems that all these efforts doesn't mean anything, and all this efforts will just go down the drain and be washed away.

Upon leaving his office to the library, my heart sunk rock bottom. "U try and U try and U'll never get there. . ." (An American tail, Fievel said it when he is looking for his family)

My tears just shed, as its a terrible feeling; its like suddendly that your entire world doesn't mean a thing anymore.

"What's the point of trying so hard and u know that u'll never get there?"

My portable hard disk crashed.

As my hard disk crashed last week, I've lost all my past photos and all my lecture notes for Uni. Maybe its not a bad thing, as some of the memories are meant to be eased.
Lucky for me, my commissioning parade's photo (during 2005) is on Tong's Picassa Album. I also spent sometime to recall and enjoy this past moments of my life. That was a really really proud moment for me, but not all those who I want to see are there. Looking back, its was a silly thought. More imptortantly is that, those who bother are there to witness this special moment of my life; that is more than what i could asked for.

My god-father and mum putting on my new rank.

My brother and Mum

Tong, Sherry, Ethan (nephew) and Kaylee(Niece)

Steph and Larry

My lovely Nephew.

2 spectacles gone in 2 Saturdays.

Today is the the death of my spectacles.

Last week, my spectacle that was used for coaching gave up on me. And today, i think that my student actually broke the one which i wear during normal activities. Two sat, 2 specs gone...

Haiz... and i don't have time to make one. I'm wearing an old specs. Keep finger cross and hope it will last me till after exams.

A very stressful and hectic week.

This week had been really hectic for me. With case study due on tues and projects meetings that required time to prepare for, also make-up test for networking.

I had felt really down the entire week. That's y i started reading Indigo, monthly magazine for SGI-Australia which I had subscribe; hat helps a little to get me back on my feet. Then on wed, I started listening to podcast, Buddha, "Geoff and me", which Ley Hian transfer to me when I was in Melbourne. Wow, its really nice and teaches alot of basic concept which are so so so impt. Last but not least, all those peers that had encouraged me. Thank you!

What surprises me was someone very far away, encouraging me like 5am while I was rushing my case study. I never in mind thought that talking to someone alot younger can be so interesting, she certainly changes this. Best thing is that I've only spoke to her in person like twice (if I'm not wrong). This is the wonder of technology that brings people together; and that's y I studying it.

Now I'm experience the stand-a-lone spirit, cos my buddies are busy with their stuff. Gerald is busy with his 3214 and Kiat is busy with preparing for exams, adding on the worry of lots of things; I shall not elaborate on the touchy issue.

Bottom line, I can't wait for this sem to be over. Super high level of stress, worst was no time for movies, good meals + beer, usually coffee sessions at valley point, and playing/ seeing with my niece and nephew.

Haiz, what a sem. . . Itchy backside to take 3 X year 4 modules.

Highlights:
29th - ACC3602 case presentation
3rd - CS2105 assignment due
4th - CS4264 report due
5th - CS4260 biz plan due
6th - CS4260 presentation
10th - CS4254 assignment due

The only constant in life is change. . .

A wonderful Sunday.

Its an exciting Sunday as Siew Kuang, Mike, Shan Shan and I met at 7am for morning walk at hort park. During the walk, we kept cracking jokes and in particular on my NS. I told them that I learned 武术 when I was young, as we walked passed some uncles and aunties practising 太极. Shan was like extremely shock. She thinks that she under estimates me, so I asked her about my vocation during NS. She replied: "U huh, at most SISPECS(corrected by shan) lor." this is nothing compared to the 2nd sentence, "I've already try to over estimate liao. hahaha..." I was utterly amused by her remarks. This give me some hints that how I behave in front of others. (oppz).

After the walk, we went to harbour front to have breakie. Till now I don't really like wang jiao, still fell that only yat-kun can make it. In the afternoon headed to District study, where i've asked a few qns but maybe they don't expect any qns, the ans is like unprepared for. It is quite far from what I feel the ans is. The explanation is somehow unclear and fails to return to the main pt of our practise. But its good to attend activity again. I headed to school with Siew Kuang to work on my assignments and went to Mike's shop for dinner. His pineapple rice is really good. yummy...

That ended my wonderful sunday...

On our way home, SK asked me a qns that I almost didn't know how to ask, which i gave a suppose "correct" ans. And yesterday (monday), I really felt that I've gone against the truth. I don't know which step i can take or which direction I should go. Pretty confuse! As least i can tell myself that its pretty normal for someone who had just rushed and submitted his last minute effort for assignment.

super tired now...

A weird dreamz. . .

On thurs, I dreamed of a funny dream...

Something I've been lacking, in my life.

When I woke up on fri morning, I began to feel slightly better; as the past weeks had been full of events and deadlines.

So what is my dream abt?

I dreamed of my MELBOURNE GAKKAI COMRADES ! ! ! In my dream, they came to Singapore to visit and asked me about my life. All of them are so positive, the same kind of warm, the sincere care they had displayed during my stayed in Mel. In the mist of my hardship, I missed this kind of care and concern that they had showered me.

I really hope to go back to Melbourne to see them again. sad.

In faith wise, I'm currently overwhelm with my work/ studies and really struggling, let along excel, and faith is going downhill. Just received a call from my leaders that they wish to meet me to Thank me for taking up the Leadership position of a District Leader. But in my heart, I don't know how much I can contribute to my district. I've filled with realisation and determination when I came back from Melbourne. Looking at my life state and practise now, I can't even half match of where I am in Melbourne.

How to contribute to Kosen-rufu?

Is it a lossing battle?

"The important thing is to persevere in the path you have chosen, irrespective of how difficult circumstances may become or how other around you may change. Those who can do this will emerge as champions and victors in life. They will win in the end. Such ppl also make true friends." -- Encouragement by Gerald.

Everyday I'm like fighting a losing battle and time is never enough. I'm a living example of Murphy's law . . .

Feel really powerless till the point that no matter how hard I try, its not going to make any difference.

Just finished my case study for submission at 2pm.
Have 2 presentations and project consultation later.

Looking forward to watch Sensei's video in the night, hope it can shine some light in my dark dark world; yet I cannot fail, there's ppl that I have to help to realise their potentials.

Where has the relaxed and confident person gone?

A great sharing session.

Although I am pretty lost in what I'm doing now and somehow unclear about my direction in life.

But this open heart sharing session with 2 comrades in faith, really opens my eyes and my view. Although we are facing different problems in life, but we are able to associate with one another on what we are going thro. This really help and reaffirm myself that everyone is challenging their lives; it maybe a hard fight, but definitely I'm not alone. It is this spirit that really rallies me and encourage me to forge ahead despite all the difficulty and obstacles lies ahead of me.

Lesson learnt today:

• every little steps/ effort bring u closer to ur goal/ destination.
• gratitude and value creation at every moment.
• built an aura around u so that attacks are bounce off .
• its not abt changing the environment, the change should start with urself.
• Look at the bigger pic and dun just focus at the nitty gritty stuff.
• setting clear prayers are impt
• we need to bring forth wisdom and courage to actualise these prayers.

Looking forward to share with our own victory reports.

Miss my test, will I get ZERO ? ? ?

There was a clash for my mid-term test, 1-3 and another from 2-3. My Prof was nice to allowed me to take it at a later time, 3-4. So it mark the first time in NUS that I seat for 2 papers on the same day. It was really tough studying for both test, and making it worst, I was sick; having slight fever, cough and sore throat.

Yesterday was especially tough as I felt terrible throughout the day, it was a tough and bad struggle with a bad headache too. Slept at 10.30 and work up at 3.30 to continue with my study.

I wasn't confident for both of my paper at all.

My first test started late, 1.15, thus ended late. While my Prof was giving instruction to collect the papers, I rushed out and handed him the paper. The entire lecture hall was stunned by my move, I did apologise by not too sure whether he understand me.

I rushed to LT19 for my next paper. I was surprise as I was greeted with an empty lecture hall. There goes my panic button. I thus use the computer to look for Prof A's office number and tried calling; he wasn't in office. I tried another lecturer Mr A; he wasn't in too. I then took the initiative to travel to their office to look for them; from biz to sci and it took me a while as shuttle bus service wasn't as frequent as school days. There wasn't anyone if office too. My last resort was to send an email to him. Haiz...

It marks the actualisation of Murphy's law...

Keeping my finger crossed that Prof A will understand and give me a re-test. But often, retest means a tougher test and the likelihood of a worst outcome.

Tally:
5/11 Assignments, 1/4 presentations, 1/3 Term tests, 0/4 Exams

Wanted Satay and beer but it didn't happen ...

Wanted to have satay and beer as supper but it didn't happen, instead had chix curry, bee hoon, prata, Loti john and not forgetting beer (yummy). Wanted to do this for a long time, and thought I will be doing it alone; glad that Gerald and Ting Wei decided to join me.

Really had a great time, throwing all the assignments and tests to the back of my mind; at least when alcohol is still effective.

Tomorrow is public holiday but will be heading back to school to study for my term test.

Happy Hari Raya Puasa.

A very low and useless day.

Spent the entire day trying to solve bugs (programming) which i have no clue on their causes; my webcrawler uses ejb, something which i have never use before.

This is the 2nd time that I don't know what my program is doing. The other time was during poly. haiz...

I really thank PS for putting alot of effort in this assignment, and Gerald for helping me to setup Netbeans numerous times.

In the end, PS managed to find out what went wrong and my laptop still unable to run. We rushed and completed the basic feature in slightly over an hr; only managed to submit at 11.15pm which is 44mins to deadline.

Felt really useless and helpless the entire day. With term test coming up, everything things look blink.

Falling in love. . .

What is love all abt???

I felt so loved when my buddy bought me a wrist guard for bowling. Its freaking $120, despite knowing that he barely has enough $$$. This happiness is beyond words. . . Its not the $$$ that matter, its the heart that is impt. I'm really touched by him; wanted to pay him back but was rejected.

So after 3 games of bowling, i feel really happy. Able to take a step out of my work desk and take a breather before digging back to projects.

This is only 1 aspect of love, I'm still in the search of a partner who I can hold close to my heart and share all aspects of my life with. . . (Think I've found it, but not sure if she is the one and whether is she ready; still observing.)

Feeling the heat, burnout. . .

Losing strength, losing concentration, losing effectiveness, worst losing time. . .

Everyone around me is feeling stressed out, especially my buddies.

Together, we are falling into the vicious cycle... yet we don't have the wisdom and strength to breakout of it.

Leading to doom.

Overwhelm with assignments during term break.

This week is a week of defeats and tight schedule.

Lots of things are behind schedule and still struggling to finish them.

Was feeling sick for the past few day too.

Too much to handle...

A person with good thoughts can NEVER be Ugly.

I received this email from Siew Kuang this afternoon. Interesting...

my all time favourite quote from Roald Dahl

my favouritest children author ;P

and the illustrations by Quentin Blake!"

If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face.

And when that person has ugly thoughtseveryday, every week, every year,

the face gets uglier and uglier

until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly.

You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth

and a double chin and stick-out teeth,

but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face

like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

- The Twits-

Roald Dahl

cheerios!

-SiEw KUaNg-

Wedding Day.

Just came back from Siew Kuang's wedding. I enjoyed it as its more of a relax n causal ceremony (ROM) unlike the traditional type.

It was a good time to prove Murphy's law; lots of things were mission, lots of changes in the program. As the emcee, I have to twist my mind and react fast, it really give my lazy brain a good workout. But in the end, i feel that I could have done better. Give myself a rating of 6.5 out of 100 bah. haha...

Abt wedding, I use to have a "funny" idea that I wanted to marry at 24yrs old. Think its becos of my god-sister's long relationship with my brother-in-law. I really envy them, they are like the perfect model that I look up to. As I grew older, I realised that long relationships have its difficulty and challenges. The big 24 had zoomed past, and I don't even have a gf. Although its not everything in life but this also tells me something abt myself.

I use to be very confident, till the point of arrogant. Now I relax myself alot, its like 180 degree change, yet I don't feel a strong sense of identity. I'm actually lost... I don't whether I've become a better person or worst. 1 thing for sure, my appearance is worst than before. Is looks everything? I don't really think so but it appears to be. I always tell ppl to continue polishing their life and character; it sound really positive but its not proving in my life.

Lost in darkness. Can someone shine a light on me?

My friend is getting married.

I'm so excited for Siew Kuang. Thou its a little sudden to know that its this Thurs, but I know the wedding is coming thro our conversation last month. Really happy for her and I was asked to be the Emcee. Ha ha...

Really excited and hope I don't screw her wedding up. haha.. ...

Keeping finger crossed. X

A slack weekend...

Its been a long time since I went to a chalet. My last chalet was also with the clique at NSmen club at east coast, during Jun 07. This time is Jo's 21st birthday and we gave her a surprise on fri nite, which was her actual birthday date. (I'm waiting for them to send me the photos and will post it shortly.)

This birthday is quite interesting for me in a few ways:

1. It tells me that I'm really old.
2. Jo tried to "match make" me with singles gals.
3. Catch up with the cliques since i've been missing for a long time, as I was in OZ.
4. Felt awkward being so call "match make".
5. Lots of gossips and teasing among the cliques as I left with "???". (not alone, with gerald and a few other friends.)

To me: I was just joking when i was going thro the guest list and trying to make a joke when I asked Jo abt anyone to intro me. So the cliques and Jo hype up the entire party and try to tekan me. I personally feel that Love is something that will come when it comes, so dun need to rush it; imptly is to be ready for the by building your own character.

Due to the party, I failed to keep with my daily 1.5hrs on fri and sat.

Fri - I stayed over at the chalet, as last min, Xiao Zhen called me to tell me that Kai Kai is not feeling well to have lesson.

Sat - Fall asleep after bathing.

I've tried to catch up today and should fulfill them later in the morning.

The challenges in life continues ...

Almost gave up. . .

Its has been tiring every since school starts and last nite I almost gave up on my 1.5 hrs challenge.

Yesterday, I stayed at school to work on my assignments till 930pm. As I was on the bus home, I was so tired that I fail asleep, something I seldom do.

I did tutorial till 1.45am, then I was so tired that I just wanted to lie on my bed. It was so close, I wanted to fight therefore pushed myself really hard to bring myself to the living room. I was happy that the good side of me won the battle and it was a good hour of chanting.

The past weeks was really a struggle and work kept piling up; the fuel i have was my Daimoku first thing in the morning and late at night to keep me going.

Going to create value in every moment of my life.

Bad job.

Today is the first DMK that I'm presenting (3 powerful enemies) for the sem and things are off to a bad start.

I dun really know how many ppl really understand and how much they learn. Haiz'

I'm very sorry to those that make time to attend. I hope they have take home the point I wanted to drive at, which is "3 powerful enemies arise due to Fundamental Darkness".

This is what I've prepared:

<--

3 Powerful Enemy: Arrogant lay people, arrogant priests, Arrogant False Sages.

“Others … will be terrified,” (WDN-1, pg 269), refers to the heart of those who do not practise with an ungrudging spirit and are in danger of abandoning their faith out of cowardice. People who lacked firm resolve and commitment in faith would read the passage abt 3 powerful enemies in the “Encouraging Devotion” chapter and be overcome by fear and apprehension.

We know that these powerful enemies only attack the practitioners of Lotus Sutra, does it means that once we give up practise and we will not be attacked?

Cowardice itself is a state in which ppl have succumbed to inner devilish functions and eventually lose their vitality and wisdom, and even find their whole lives tumbling inexorably towards defeat; unless we stand up with the same resolve as our mentor in faith, we will be defeated by devilish functions.

How many are practitioners of the Lotus Sutra?
How many are genuine practitioners of the Lotus Sutra?
Am I a genuine practitioner of the Lotus Sutra?

Genuine practitioners of the Lotus Sutra correctly spread the teaching of universal enlightenment and fight without retreating against the devilish forces that seek to fundamentally distort the spirit of Buddhism. When we understand the true nature of this struggle, we can naturally foresee that ignorance of the correct teaching – namely, fundamental darkness – will manifest itself in the form of arrogant lay ppl, arrogant priests, and arrogant false sages who will persecute the votaries of the Lotus Sutra.

The Daishonin writes: “The Buddha and Devadatte are like a form and its shadow – in lifetime after lifetime, they are never separated.” (WND-1, pg 278). The activities of the votary of the Lotus Sutra call forth the three powerful enemies – functions that are activated by the fundamental darkness that seeks to obstruct the votary’s effort. Just as a moving form is followed by its shadows, so the votary of the Lotus Sutra is dogged by the three powerful enemies.

When evil flourishes and good is defeated, the function of the Dharma nature, or inherent enlightenment, is extinguished. On the other hand, when good flourishes and evil is defeated, the function of fundamental darkness, or ignorance, is extinguished. A struggle between good and evail is taking place in out lives every moment.

The only way to strengthen good is to wage a continuous struggle against evil.

It is extremely rare to encounter a votary of the Lotus Sutra who struggles against and triumphs over the three powerful enemies. It is hard to encounter a genuine leader of Buddhism. Therefore he urged us to seek out the votary of the Lotus Sutra and make him our teacher, our mentor.

Anyone can tell me any example of individuals that struggles and triumphs over 3 powerful enemies?

The opening of the eyes is the call for us to awaken to the true votary of the Lotus Sutra who battles fundamental darkness and arrogant false sages, as well as to our own true selves as people who seek their mentor and join him in fighting unceasingly against the devilish nature inherent in life.

Lastly, I would like to end with a quote by Mrs Ikeda:

“You may not always win but never give in to defeat”.

-->

I'll do better next time.

First Campus Connection for this Sem.

Guess what we are playing?


Its Shi Zhi Lu Kuo, along Orchard Road. My teams consists of Evelyn, Serene, Shan Mei, Justin, Benz and myself.



The dishes:

1) Sushi

2) Ice-cream
3) Milk 4) Kaya toast
5) Tuna Sandwich

6) Ham
Lastly the ending dish:
Mr Bean Soya Bean Milk

We can in third but we had lots of fun. Thanks to the organising committee.

These are the bonus pic to received extra pts. A total 8 venues, do u recognise where is the place?

That's all folks !

Putting lost thoughts in place.

Lots of things happending this week and up coming week.

Lots of assignment to hand in. Basically at least 1 each week.

Determine to perform my best this sem.

Attend Deyi's (my lifeguard friend, where we used work together in Jurong East Swimming complex) wedding like 2 hrs ago. Lots of thoughts: like getting old liao; who will be walking beside me down the aisle; etc. --> had the chance to drink a fair bit of beer but still have to work on my proj for tomorrow discussion.

Sleep get shorter and shorter.

A real challenge to chant 1.5 hrs a day, compared to a few mths ago where I can chant 2 hrs quite comfortablely.

Looking forward and only time will tell whether my effort pays off.

LAzy and BuSy. . .

This sem is a real challenge for me as I'm taking 3 X lvl 4000 modules, adding to that I've other commitments like coaching and Gakkai activities. Haiz. . .

This past week is a tough fight against my fundamental darkness; Can't wake up in the morning, can't catch up my reading, haven't start my assignment which is due next tues. To sum it all up, disappointing.

Lots of things happening and time just seems to zoom pass in a flash...

Time to get back to work on research on my grp assignments, individual assignments and reading...

Fighting but don't seems to be progressing/ advancing. :(
Maybe I have not put in enough effort.

A Story of my past. . .

During my poly days, there was a period of time that I started soccer betting. Then I really throw in all my energy into it, I even use lesson time to read up on the teams so that I'm well prepared before placing the bet. Initially I lost a little but becos I put in extra effort, I begin my winning streak. Things were really going very well for me and my buddy who taught how to bet.

As all good things comes to an end, both of us started losing. For me, I only lost a little; but becos of my thinking that I've done it before(won bets), I can do it again and is determined to win back those $$$ for my buddy. Instead of winning, we lost even more; we ended up losing all our winnings and even incurred debts.

During that period of time I kept asking myself, "Why I didn't stop when I win?"; "Why I didn't stop immediately when I lost?"; "Why did I have the ideal that I'll win again?"

All this funny/interesting thoughts was in my head then. I didn't have an answer to them.

It started from losing a few hundreds to abt a thousand odd, if i had stop when I started losing, I wouldn't be losing so much. This is also due to the fact that I'm stubborn to hold on to my believe. If I put those $$$ that I've decided to bet on in a bank/other investments, things will definitely turn out better. Becos I'm unable to see things from a bigger picture, it cost me a great deal.

On the other hand, when I really accept that I've lost and I can do nothing about it. Only when I let go then I found out all that my thoughts are all on the wrong track. I didn't dare to tell anyone but only to my gf then. She did warn me but I didn't heed her advice; thou she is able to see the bigger picture.

Ones' mind may lose their ability to rationalise when they are in a micro level, they may not be able to understand as they are too focus on a small part of the problem that they forgot abt the bigger one.

This is truly in my case. I urge those who are still in their little circle, open up their heart and listen to those around them. Let them guide u out of your small circle, in return, u will see the bigger picture.

My almost perfect time table, 3 day week ! ! !

Lonely again. . .

My buddy is now officially attached. I used to enjoy the company of 2 buddies and I would always go around tell ppl that I have whole of Kiat and half of Gerald. Now sadly, I'm left with half each and worst, most of the time I still have to take queue number.

The above msg is a joke cracked for kiat; he wants me to write this so that he can get his gal to read. Ha ha....

To me, I'm really happy for him to find love again. Therefore I tried not to call him as frequent as before as he has lots of things coming up and still have to spend time with her. As an understanding friend, I know where I stand. I felt really happy this morning to have received a sms from him indicating that he wanted to chat with me in the evening; while I was abt to check him out with a similar sms. It was good to hear from him abt his weekend, its really interesting with the things he gone thro. Maybe not the things he would like it to be but I shared with him this is where understanding comes in. Prior to his call, I was reading SSA Times to prepare for Friday Lunch discussion, then I came across our favourite quote on relationship: "Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery. I took this opportunity to share with him and reminded him that helping each other grow is the most impt in the relationship.

Kiat is currently facing alot of uncertainty in life and he would be making some of crucial decisions in time to come. Whatever the outcome/ decisions, I believe that the truth will prevail and I would be chanting for his happiness.

Talking abt happiness, time to discard my buddies and seriously start searching for it.-Acknowledging PM's call on marrying young.