This sem is a real challenge for me as I'm taking 3 X lvl 4000 modules, adding to that I've other commitments like coaching and Gakkai activities. Haiz. . .
This past week is a tough fight against my fundamental darkness; Can't wake up in the morning, can't catch up my reading, haven't start my assignment which is due next tues. To sum it all up, disappointing.
Lots of things happening and time just seems to zoom pass in a flash...
Time to get back to work on research on my grp assignments, individual assignments and reading...
Fighting but don't seems to be progressing/ advancing. :(
Maybe I have not put in enough effort.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
A Story of my past. . .
During my poly days, there was a period of time that I started soccer betting. Then I really throw in all my energy into it, I even use lesson time to read up on the teams so that I'm well prepared before placing the bet. Initially I lost a little but becos I put in extra effort, I begin my winning streak. Things were really going very well for me and my buddy who taught how to bet.
As all good things comes to an end, both of us started losing. For me, I only lost a little; but becos of my thinking that I've done it before(won bets), I can do it again and is determined to win back those $$$ for my buddy. Instead of winning, we lost even more; we ended up losing all our winnings and even incurred debts.
During that period of time I kept asking myself, "Why I didn't stop when I win?"; "Why I didn't stop immediately when I lost?"; "Why did I have the ideal that I'll win again?"
All this funny/interesting thoughts was in my head then. I didn't have an answer to them.
It started from losing a few hundreds to abt a thousand odd, if i had stop when I started losing, I wouldn't be losing so much. This is also due to the fact that I'm stubborn to hold on to my believe. If I put those $$$ that I've decided to bet on in a bank/other investments, things will definitely turn out better. Becos I'm unable to see things from a bigger picture, it cost me a great deal.
On the other hand, when I really accept that I've lost and I can do nothing about it. Only when I let go then I found out all that my thoughts are all on the wrong track. I didn't dare to tell anyone but only to my gf then. She did warn me but I didn't heed her advice; thou she is able to see the bigger picture.
Ones' mind may lose their ability to rationalise when they are in a micro level, they may not be able to understand as they are too focus on a small part of the problem that they forgot abt the bigger one.
This is truly in my case. I urge those who are still in their little circle, open up their heart and listen to those around them. Let them guide u out of your small circle, in return, u will see the bigger picture.
As all good things comes to an end, both of us started losing. For me, I only lost a little; but becos of my thinking that I've done it before(won bets), I can do it again and is determined to win back those $$$ for my buddy. Instead of winning, we lost even more; we ended up losing all our winnings and even incurred debts.
During that period of time I kept asking myself, "Why I didn't stop when I win?"; "Why I didn't stop immediately when I lost?"; "Why did I have the ideal that I'll win again?"
All this funny/interesting thoughts was in my head then. I didn't have an answer to them.
It started from losing a few hundreds to abt a thousand odd, if i had stop when I started losing, I wouldn't be losing so much. This is also due to the fact that I'm stubborn to hold on to my believe. If I put those $$$ that I've decided to bet on in a bank/other investments, things will definitely turn out better. Becos I'm unable to see things from a bigger picture, it cost me a great deal.
On the other hand, when I really accept that I've lost and I can do nothing about it. Only when I let go then I found out all that my thoughts are all on the wrong track. I didn't dare to tell anyone but only to my gf then. She did warn me but I didn't heed her advice; thou she is able to see the bigger picture.
Ones' mind may lose their ability to rationalise when they are in a micro level, they may not be able to understand as they are too focus on a small part of the problem that they forgot abt the bigger one.
This is truly in my case. I urge those who are still in their little circle, open up their heart and listen to those around them. Let them guide u out of your small circle, in return, u will see the bigger picture.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Lonely again. . .
My buddy is now officially attached. I used to enjoy the company of 2 buddies and I would always go around tell ppl that I have whole of Kiat and half of Gerald. Now sadly, I'm left with half each and worst, most of the time I still have to take queue number.
The above msg is a joke cracked for kiat; he wants me to write this so that he can get his gal to read. Ha ha....
To me, I'm really happy for him to find love again. Therefore I tried not to call him as frequent as before as he has lots of things coming up and still have to spend time with her. As an understanding friend, I know where I stand. I felt really happy this morning to have received a sms from him indicating that he wanted to chat with me in the evening; while I was abt to check him out with a similar sms. It was good to hear from him abt his weekend, its really interesting with the things he gone thro. Maybe not the things he would like it to be but I shared with him this is where understanding comes in. Prior to his call, I was reading SSA Times to prepare for Friday Lunch discussion, then I came across our favourite quote on relationship: "Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery. I took this opportunity to share with him and reminded him that helping each other grow is the most impt in the relationship.
Kiat is currently facing alot of uncertainty in life and he would be making some of crucial decisions in time to come. Whatever the outcome/ decisions, I believe that the truth will prevail and I would be chanting for his happiness.
Talking abt happiness, time to discard my buddies and seriously start searching for it.-Acknowledging PM's call on marrying young.
The above msg is a joke cracked for kiat; he wants me to write this so that he can get his gal to read. Ha ha....
To me, I'm really happy for him to find love again. Therefore I tried not to call him as frequent as before as he has lots of things coming up and still have to spend time with her. As an understanding friend, I know where I stand. I felt really happy this morning to have received a sms from him indicating that he wanted to chat with me in the evening; while I was abt to check him out with a similar sms. It was good to hear from him abt his weekend, its really interesting with the things he gone thro. Maybe not the things he would like it to be but I shared with him this is where understanding comes in. Prior to his call, I was reading SSA Times to prepare for Friday Lunch discussion, then I came across our favourite quote on relationship: "Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction." -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery. I took this opportunity to share with him and reminded him that helping each other grow is the most impt in the relationship.
Kiat is currently facing alot of uncertainty in life and he would be making some of crucial decisions in time to come. Whatever the outcome/ decisions, I believe that the truth will prevail and I would be chanting for his happiness.
Talking abt happiness, time to discard my buddies and seriously start searching for it.-Acknowledging PM's call on marrying young.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Felt bad and lost. . .
Sorry Gerald ! ! !
I have to apologise to Gerald becos I'm going to drop a module that I asked him to take. As he is just taking minimum workload, this causes a lot of problems to change to another module. I had to drop this module is becos I've decided to take my core module instead of GEM. Really felt bad, but he was very understanding. This actually makes me more guilty abt dropping the module.
This week I attended NUS Student Division(SD) Daimokukai, which is held at my place and Fri lunch. I raised a few qns, becos I felt that these are the main pts that should be highlighted. I dunno how well I managed to get my pts across but I did managed to get ppl to talk. On the other hand I felt that I've disturbed the order of the meeting. All I want to do is to try my best to share with others what I know and understand. This is so becos what Michiyaki shared with me when I thank him for all his teachings: "Every time, I have to give 100%; if i give only 30%, then my 30% will become your 100%." He shared that this is the guidance from Sensei. I was shocked when he shared this with me. Therefore I decided not to hold back during sharing and give my best all the time. I dun know how things will turn out, but I will put in 100% in everything I do.
First week of lecture is very interesting, as I'm taking 3 X year 4 modules, projects will make up alot of my time this sem. But the good thing abt year 4 modules is that they don't have tuts. This means that I'll have more control of my time; so I only have class on Tues, Wed and Thus. Therefore I'll have long weekend every week. haha... I really like the modules I'm taking this sem as it is showing me the light at the end of the tunnel; Becos its abt the core of my interest, E-Commerce.
Enjoying my first long weekend.
I have to apologise to Gerald becos I'm going to drop a module that I asked him to take. As he is just taking minimum workload, this causes a lot of problems to change to another module. I had to drop this module is becos I've decided to take my core module instead of GEM. Really felt bad, but he was very understanding. This actually makes me more guilty abt dropping the module.
This week I attended NUS Student Division(SD) Daimokukai, which is held at my place and Fri lunch. I raised a few qns, becos I felt that these are the main pts that should be highlighted. I dunno how well I managed to get my pts across but I did managed to get ppl to talk. On the other hand I felt that I've disturbed the order of the meeting. All I want to do is to try my best to share with others what I know and understand. This is so becos what Michiyaki shared with me when I thank him for all his teachings: "Every time, I have to give 100%; if i give only 30%, then my 30% will become your 100%." He shared that this is the guidance from Sensei. I was shocked when he shared this with me. Therefore I decided not to hold back during sharing and give my best all the time. I dun know how things will turn out, but I will put in 100% in everything I do.
First week of lecture is very interesting, as I'm taking 3 X year 4 modules, projects will make up alot of my time this sem. But the good thing abt year 4 modules is that they don't have tuts. This means that I'll have more control of my time; so I only have class on Tues, Wed and Thus. Therefore I'll have long weekend every week. haha... I really like the modules I'm taking this sem as it is showing me the light at the end of the tunnel; Becos its abt the core of my interest, E-Commerce.
Enjoying my first long weekend.
Monday, August 11, 2008
A fresh start !
Today marks the first day of the new academic year, but lucky for me, Monday is a off day for me. Therefore school starts tomorrow for me.
Gerald told me that he started the DMK Challenge today, while I was going to inform him that I was going to start today. Hmm... Great Minds think alike, or fool seldom defers? I had been really lazy in practise ever since I got back, spending a lot of time to catch up with friends and family. Now its the time to get everything on track. Gerald suggested that we should do this till the end of the year and I agreed, therefore this Challenge will end on 010109. On the other hand, such practise should never stop, never let devilish functions win over you.
I'm really fortunate to have a bro (Gerald) to practise together.
Gerald told me that he started the DMK Challenge today, while I was going to inform him that I was going to start today. Hmm... Great Minds think alike, or fool seldom defers? I had been really lazy in practise ever since I got back, spending a lot of time to catch up with friends and family. Now its the time to get everything on track. Gerald suggested that we should do this till the end of the year and I agreed, therefore this Challenge will end on 010109. On the other hand, such practise should never stop, never let devilish functions win over you.
I'm really fortunate to have a bro (Gerald) to practise together.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Busy meeting friends but in low life condition.
I was in pretty low life condition ever since thurs when I start meeting up with my friends and getting use to my way of life in the past. I don't have to worry abt spending too much $$$, don't have to think as much as Melbourne when buying food or things. The most important is that I don't need to make my own yucky coffee every morning, when I like having a good one, just have to pop into Starbucks. Despite all the good things, I feel that I lack the connection, feel restricted and powerless.
Today, home-visited my Chapter Chief (Ivan) and my "Boys and Girls" IC (now know as Primary division; Xiao Zhen). They are married and it was them, plus with my mum that got me back to SGI. I shared with them about my experience in Melbourne. I was quite happy that I've managed to share a little and they are willing to contribute to the dialogue too. Thou it was suppose to be a home-visit but they invited me for dinner. Had steamboat which include abalone, really good fortune, cos i have not ate it since CNY.
The primary reason for me to be in low-life condition, I think is due to the lack of daimoku and direction(focus). After sharing with both of them, I reignite my strong desire to shine my torchlight on everyone that I meet and make the difference; help them to manifest their potential.
Since I have a new challenge therefore I would like to start a new 100 days challenge(again). Anyone out there would like to challenge with me? The last challenge didn't turn out very well as I didn't hear from anyone of them finishing; guess I forgot to let them understand that it is about winning over our devilish functions. But let's start afresh and win starting from this moment.
We can win in every moment; its a choice and we determine the outcome.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Back in Singapore, back to the Reality of life.
Singapore is the real world I'm in. Once I'm back I faced the harshest of reality, the judgement and expectations of the society. When I'm on the public transport, seeing people and places, I became very sceptical about everything around me. But on the other hand, I've very determined to show others my transformation and believe that I have the potential to improve myself.
Many times, people judge other and don't believe with their potential. This is a very negative thing about the society, and it goes against the Lotus Sutra, which teaches us that everyone has Buddha nature and we need to help them to manifest it.
There's a long and lonely journey ahead of me.
Many times, people judge other and don't believe with their potential. This is a very negative thing about the society, and it goes against the Lotus Sutra, which teaches us that everyone has Buddha nature and we need to help them to manifest it.
There's a long and lonely journey ahead of me.
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