A fresh start. . .

For the past 2 days, my life condition is all time low. I can't seems to concentrate on the things I'm doing.

But thanks Gerald for talking to me last nite. He did managed to wake me up...

Gerald: "i feel tat u are 自爆自气ing". "i really dun like seeing u sad lah". "cos u just keep on blaming urself". "then when u blame urself u will not be able to concentrate or move on".

This morning I re-determined to start afresh and everything seems to be more meaningful and are filled with hope. Most impt is that work are produced.

Thinking back, although outcome is not what I wanted and I may never get there. But why am I putting a time period to my own growth. I realised that its not about how long u need to get there, its abt getting there. Therefore I take a little step each day to do my own Human Revolution, I'll be able to achieve what I wanted.

"The road is long and make every little steps counts"

My world had just collapsed.

Just went to Prof M's office for consultation on my lousy mid term result.

After coming out of his office, my entire world collapsed. Pior to meeting him, Andrew told me to take it easy abt results. His point was that not much changes could be made to push to a 2nd Upper, so rather than pushing urself so hard, just relax and graduate. I understand his point totally. For me to push to 2nd Upper means that every sem must score all As. Its not an impossible thing to do, but it will be tough.

That's y I'm been pushing myself hard. Now it seems that all these efforts doesn't mean anything, and all this efforts will just go down the drain and be washed away.

Upon leaving his office to the library, my heart sunk rock bottom. "U try and U try and U'll never get there. . ." (An American tail, Fievel said it when he is looking for his family)

My tears just shed, as its a terrible feeling; its like suddendly that your entire world doesn't mean a thing anymore.

"What's the point of trying so hard and u know that u'll never get there?"

My portable hard disk crashed.

As my hard disk crashed last week, I've lost all my past photos and all my lecture notes for Uni. Maybe its not a bad thing, as some of the memories are meant to be eased.
Lucky for me, my commissioning parade's photo (during 2005) is on Tong's Picassa Album. I also spent sometime to recall and enjoy this past moments of my life. That was a really really proud moment for me, but not all those who I want to see are there. Looking back, its was a silly thought. More imptortantly is that, those who bother are there to witness this special moment of my life; that is more than what i could asked for.

My god-father and mum putting on my new rank.

My brother and Mum

Tong, Sherry, Ethan (nephew) and Kaylee(Niece)

Steph and Larry

My lovely Nephew.

2 spectacles gone in 2 Saturdays.

Today is the the death of my spectacles.

Last week, my spectacle that was used for coaching gave up on me. And today, i think that my student actually broke the one which i wear during normal activities. Two sat, 2 specs gone...

Haiz... and i don't have time to make one. I'm wearing an old specs. Keep finger cross and hope it will last me till after exams.

A very stressful and hectic week.

This week had been really hectic for me. With case study due on tues and projects meetings that required time to prepare for, also make-up test for networking.

I had felt really down the entire week. That's y i started reading Indigo, monthly magazine for SGI-Australia which I had subscribe; hat helps a little to get me back on my feet. Then on wed, I started listening to podcast, Buddha, "Geoff and me", which Ley Hian transfer to me when I was in Melbourne. Wow, its really nice and teaches alot of basic concept which are so so so impt. Last but not least, all those peers that had encouraged me. Thank you!

What surprises me was someone very far away, encouraging me like 5am while I was rushing my case study. I never in mind thought that talking to someone alot younger can be so interesting, she certainly changes this. Best thing is that I've only spoke to her in person like twice (if I'm not wrong). This is the wonder of technology that brings people together; and that's y I studying it.

Now I'm experience the stand-a-lone spirit, cos my buddies are busy with their stuff. Gerald is busy with his 3214 and Kiat is busy with preparing for exams, adding on the worry of lots of things; I shall not elaborate on the touchy issue.

Bottom line, I can't wait for this sem to be over. Super high level of stress, worst was no time for movies, good meals + beer, usually coffee sessions at valley point, and playing/ seeing with my niece and nephew.

Haiz, what a sem. . . Itchy backside to take 3 X year 4 modules.

Highlights:
29th - ACC3602 case presentation
3rd - CS2105 assignment due
4th - CS4264 report due
5th - CS4260 biz plan due
6th - CS4260 presentation
10th - CS4254 assignment due

The only constant in life is change. . .

A wonderful Sunday.

Its an exciting Sunday as Siew Kuang, Mike, Shan Shan and I met at 7am for morning walk at hort park. During the walk, we kept cracking jokes and in particular on my NS. I told them that I learned 武术 when I was young, as we walked passed some uncles and aunties practising 太极. Shan was like extremely shock. She thinks that she under estimates me, so I asked her about my vocation during NS. She replied: "U huh, at most SISPECS(corrected by shan) lor." this is nothing compared to the 2nd sentence, "I've already try to over estimate liao. hahaha..." I was utterly amused by her remarks. This give me some hints that how I behave in front of others. (oppz).

After the walk, we went to harbour front to have breakie. Till now I don't really like wang jiao, still fell that only yat-kun can make it. In the afternoon headed to District study, where i've asked a few qns but maybe they don't expect any qns, the ans is like unprepared for. It is quite far from what I feel the ans is. The explanation is somehow unclear and fails to return to the main pt of our practise. But its good to attend activity again. I headed to school with Siew Kuang to work on my assignments and went to Mike's shop for dinner. His pineapple rice is really good. yummy...

That ended my wonderful sunday...

On our way home, SK asked me a qns that I almost didn't know how to ask, which i gave a suppose "correct" ans. And yesterday (monday), I really felt that I've gone against the truth. I don't know which step i can take or which direction I should go. Pretty confuse! As least i can tell myself that its pretty normal for someone who had just rushed and submitted his last minute effort for assignment.

super tired now...

A weird dreamz. . .

On thurs, I dreamed of a funny dream...

Something I've been lacking, in my life.

When I woke up on fri morning, I began to feel slightly better; as the past weeks had been full of events and deadlines.

So what is my dream abt?

I dreamed of my MELBOURNE GAKKAI COMRADES ! ! ! In my dream, they came to Singapore to visit and asked me about my life. All of them are so positive, the same kind of warm, the sincere care they had displayed during my stayed in Mel. In the mist of my hardship, I missed this kind of care and concern that they had showered me.

I really hope to go back to Melbourne to see them again. sad.

In faith wise, I'm currently overwhelm with my work/ studies and really struggling, let along excel, and faith is going downhill. Just received a call from my leaders that they wish to meet me to Thank me for taking up the Leadership position of a District Leader. But in my heart, I don't know how much I can contribute to my district. I've filled with realisation and determination when I came back from Melbourne. Looking at my life state and practise now, I can't even half match of where I am in Melbourne.

How to contribute to Kosen-rufu?

Is it a lossing battle?

"The important thing is to persevere in the path you have chosen, irrespective of how difficult circumstances may become or how other around you may change. Those who can do this will emerge as champions and victors in life. They will win in the end. Such ppl also make true friends." -- Encouragement by Gerald.

Everyday I'm like fighting a losing battle and time is never enough. I'm a living example of Murphy's law . . .

Feel really powerless till the point that no matter how hard I try, its not going to make any difference.

Just finished my case study for submission at 2pm.
Have 2 presentations and project consultation later.

Looking forward to watch Sensei's video in the night, hope it can shine some light in my dark dark world; yet I cannot fail, there's ppl that I have to help to realise their potentials.

Where has the relaxed and confident person gone?

A great sharing session.

Although I am pretty lost in what I'm doing now and somehow unclear about my direction in life.

But this open heart sharing session with 2 comrades in faith, really opens my eyes and my view. Although we are facing different problems in life, but we are able to associate with one another on what we are going thro. This really help and reaffirm myself that everyone is challenging their lives; it maybe a hard fight, but definitely I'm not alone. It is this spirit that really rallies me and encourage me to forge ahead despite all the difficulty and obstacles lies ahead of me.

Lesson learnt today:

• every little steps/ effort bring u closer to ur goal/ destination.
• gratitude and value creation at every moment.
• built an aura around u so that attacks are bounce off .
• its not abt changing the environment, the change should start with urself.
• Look at the bigger pic and dun just focus at the nitty gritty stuff.
• setting clear prayers are impt
• we need to bring forth wisdom and courage to actualise these prayers.

Looking forward to share with our own victory reports.

Miss my test, will I get ZERO ? ? ?

There was a clash for my mid-term test, 1-3 and another from 2-3. My Prof was nice to allowed me to take it at a later time, 3-4. So it mark the first time in NUS that I seat for 2 papers on the same day. It was really tough studying for both test, and making it worst, I was sick; having slight fever, cough and sore throat.

Yesterday was especially tough as I felt terrible throughout the day, it was a tough and bad struggle with a bad headache too. Slept at 10.30 and work up at 3.30 to continue with my study.

I wasn't confident for both of my paper at all.

My first test started late, 1.15, thus ended late. While my Prof was giving instruction to collect the papers, I rushed out and handed him the paper. The entire lecture hall was stunned by my move, I did apologise by not too sure whether he understand me.

I rushed to LT19 for my next paper. I was surprise as I was greeted with an empty lecture hall. There goes my panic button. I thus use the computer to look for Prof A's office number and tried calling; he wasn't in office. I tried another lecturer Mr A; he wasn't in too. I then took the initiative to travel to their office to look for them; from biz to sci and it took me a while as shuttle bus service wasn't as frequent as school days. There wasn't anyone if office too. My last resort was to send an email to him. Haiz...

It marks the actualisation of Murphy's law...

Keeping my finger crossed that Prof A will understand and give me a re-test. But often, retest means a tougher test and the likelihood of a worst outcome.

Tally:
5/11 Assignments, 1/4 presentations, 1/3 Term tests, 0/4 Exams

Wanted Satay and beer but it didn't happen ...

Wanted to have satay and beer as supper but it didn't happen, instead had chix curry, bee hoon, prata, Loti john and not forgetting beer (yummy). Wanted to do this for a long time, and thought I will be doing it alone; glad that Gerald and Ting Wei decided to join me.

Really had a great time, throwing all the assignments and tests to the back of my mind; at least when alcohol is still effective.

Tomorrow is public holiday but will be heading back to school to study for my term test.

Happy Hari Raya Puasa.