Below is specially dedicated to me by my buddy, Kiat, as he knows that my weakness is in handling relationships. Anyway, I believe that I have overcome this thingy for the time being. I have recognised that it is my mind that caused my own suffering, not the situation or the environment. Anyway, there's lots of things in life that are beyond my control, just do my best in areas which I can make a difference.

<-- Start I received an essay from Jie Sheng couple weeks back and didnt manage to read it till last week. After reading it, I found it so meaningful that I began sharing with my friends. I hope he/she can benefit from reading it. Gonna extract some of the highlights though all are important.There is a saying "love is blind" illustrates, people often lose all objectivity when they fall in love. Someone told me this: "Having a crush on someone makes each day so much more exciting. I think liking someone is wonderful, and if that person inspires you to grow, it's even better."

Question is: Does that person inspire you to work harder at your studies or distract you from them? Does his or her presence make you more determined to devote greater energies to school activites, be a better friend, a more thoughtful son or daughter? Does he or she inspire you to realise your future goals and work to achieve them? Or is that person your central focus, overshadowing all else - your school activities, your friends, and family and even you goals?

If you are neglecting the things you should be doing, forgetting your purpose in life because of the relationship you're in then you're on the wrong path.

A healthy relationship is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals while sharing each other's hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope.

Another person rose this question: "There's an older student in a class above me that I like and respect very much. One of my friends tole me that I should stick to respect and forget about love. I don't agree with her, but I don't know what I should do."

There is no set answer. There are as many views on love as there are people! So I don't think we can find any one blanket policy on love that will win everyone's consensus.

Love is a complex matter that reflects each person's attitude and philosophy toward life. That is why I believe people shouldn't get involved in relationships lightly. Do not treat love like a game. Nevertheless, I understand how it feels, not been satisfied with just respecting the young man on whom she has a crush. If love could be explained logically, all the agonising it causes would vanish from the world. Nonetheless, the bottom line is that, without respect, no relationship will last for very long nor can two people bring out the best in each other.

Rather than becoming so love-stuck that create a world where only the two of you exist, it is much healthies to learn from those aspects of your partner that you respect and admire and continue to make efforts to improve and develop yourself.

Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction. It follows then that relationships last longer when both partners share similar values and beliefs.

Question: Swayed by the media and peer pressure, many young people seem to be in a hurry to start dating. They must feel that they are missing out if they don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend when everyone else around them does.

There's no need to be influenced by such thing. Please don't get caught up in doing something just because everyone is.

It is so important that you see these things for what they are and not be deeived by them. Your youth is precious. Each of you is valuable beyond measure. It is foolish to become a puppet of media manipulation. I hope you will resolutely follow your own path in life.

Futhermore, please don't succumb to the view that love is the be-all and end-all, deluding yourself that as long as you are in love, nothing else matters.

There is a time for everything in life - a time to be young, a time to enter the adult world, a time to get married and so on. Moving forward step by step into each different phase accords with a reason.

All too often, when a relationship ends, the great passion it once inspired seems nothing more than an illusion. The things you learn through studying, on the other hand, are much more permanent. It is important, therefore, that you never extinguish the flame of your intellectual curiosity.

Please don't live without direction but rather pursue a life of meaning and purpose.Through such efforts, you will grow into individuals who have truly wonderful futures ahead of you.

Question: In a relationship, it sometimes happens that one person tries to become whatever, or do whatever, the other wants in order to avoid losing him or her.

It is demeaning to be constantly seeking your partner's approval. Such a relationship is bereft or real caring, depth or even love. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are not treated the way your heart says you should be, I hope you will have the courage and dignity to decide that you are better off risking the scorn of your partner than enduring an unhappy relationship.

Real love is not two people clinging to each other, it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality. A shallow person will have only shallow relationships. If you want to experience real love, it is important to first sincerely develop a strong self-identity.

Men should always remember to respect women, doing their utmost to support them. Rather than depending on women like children, men should become strong enough, compassionate enough and adult enough to care about their partners' lifelong happiness.

Question: There are some people who are plunged into deep despair and lose all meaning in life when a relationship ends or their hearts are broken. Some take the rejection as a personal negation of everything they stand for and feel as if they have no value or worth left as a human being.

I believe many people can probably relate to such feelings. But you are only letting yourself down if you succumb to unhealthy obsessions in your youth or are so blinded by love that you can't see anything else. No matter what, you must always do your best to live courageously. You mustn't be weak hearted. Youth is a time for advancing bravely into the future. Youth is not a time for pessimism or self pity and sadness.

Please don't let a broken heart discourage you. Tell yourself that you're not so weak as to let such a minor thing bring you down. You may think there is no one who could possibly comparre to that person, but how will they compare to the next 100, the next 1000, the next 10000 people you will meet? You cannot declare with certainty that they will not be others who far surpass him or her. As you yourself grow, the way you look at people will change as well.

The important thing is to keep moving forward. If you use your sadness as a source of growth, you will become a person of greater dept and breadth. This is the harvest of your pain and suffering. Hold your head high. Because you have lived with all your might, you are a victor. Your must not sink into depression or take a path that leads to self destruction.

Question: A friend who is so desperately afraid of being on her own that when she breaks up with one boyfriend, she immediately goes out and finds a new one.

Every person has the freedom to live his or her way, and each person's character is different. If you're going to fall in love, wouldn't it be wonderful to have one great love that lasts a lifetime? And how much more wonderful would it be if that love led to marriage? Of course, this isn't always going to happen. Nevertheless, it is unfialr to both you and the other person if you enter a relationship having already decided that it is just for fun - putting casual relationships in one box and serious relationshops or even marriage in another, completely separate one.

There is no need to rush into anything, you dont need to be in a hurry to grow up. If there is someone you like, what's wrong with holding onto that feeling inside your heart for a while and resolving to polish yourself so that you can become the kind of person he or she, or anyone, would be proud to be with? Such a spirit of self development is the most admirable.

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Thanks bro for your encouragement.


Let's chiong ahead to get straight A(s) this sem.